June 29, 2023 3 Min Read
Matthew’s Story: How He Became Healthy & Found Pride In His Identity
The following piece touches on eating disorders and trauma, which may be upsetting or triggering for some readers.
Everyone has anger. Everyone has trauma. And for many of us, we retreat back into our comfort zones of what we think we can control. When we feel a lack of empathy and understanding from others or when we feel like the world is spinning out of control, we seek an outlet. Maybe…
- We outburst at passing strangers to feel a sense of release and as though we’re actually being heard.
- We reach for the nearest comfort food to soothe ourselves and forget about the chaos.
TaskHuman Coach Matthew Stotts has been there. As a “closeted gay kid who grew up in a conservative and religious household,” he used food to cope with trauma. His wake-up call came at the age of 17 when he stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office, revealing that he weighed 515 pounds. With this came an extreme reality check from his doctor, encouraging him to take control of his eating and exercise habits.
However, with no resources or sense of direction, he spiraled into a new battle of eating disorders, bouncing between anorexia and bulimia.
Finally, someone listened and gave him a sense of direction on how to manage his weight loss healthily. Matthew’s coworker took him aside and made him look at himself in the mirror—to confront who he had been avoiding all those years—and invited him to join her at the gym. Losing a total of 300 pounds was not easy—he struggled with the loss and gains, yo-yoing between set points.
When asked what he would tell someone who might be going through the same experience, he shared these powerful words:
“1. Don’t compare yourself to your past because you’re never going to be there again. That’s then, not now. 2. Start small. Understand that you have a journey and you need to trust the process.”
His weight loss journey and decision to seek out help with therapy led him to build up the courage to come out to his family at the age of 23. He chose to share his newly discovered self by writing a letter and mailing it to his parents.
The outcome? Less than ideal.
Unfortunately, his family did not approve of or understand his sexuality. Instead, they believed he simply needed to “pray the gay away” and disowned him for several years. He did not let the lack of support from his family deter who he loved. He married his fiancé and was recognized by the State of Maine as the third legal same-sex marriage to occur in the state. Later, he would also be recognized as the first legal same-sex divorce in Maine.
Like many who battle with the decision to come out, his internal monologue of disappointing other people was the hardest part to overcome. He used that internal monologue to drive him towards success.
“There’s a reason why I work as hard as I do… Just to prove to people I am more than just a failure.”
With four college degrees, two businesses, and working as a coach, Matthew has achieved a much healthier space for himself. Curious to learn more? Head here to listen to the entire TaskHuman Talks interview with Coach Matthew.
Updated March 2025
